Monday, May 25, 2009

Word-Vomit

My grandpa's visitation was today. It was nice to see everyone come and support our family. There were a couple hundred people there. I was amazed to see how many people he impacted.

I currently have a beard, and evidently it's a big deal. I've had multiple people comment on it, including two family members and two random people at my grandpa's visitation today...one of which was an Native American who explained to me that the reason Indians don't grow beards is because they are considered unmanly. Whenever I grow one it always seems to attract attention. It's just a beard.

My dad gave me his old guitar for a graduation present and I still have yet to really spend some quality time with it. I always told him that if he let me have it, I would learn it instead of letting go to waste like him. So far I'm a liar.

I'm really enjoying my internship at Music Precedent so far. Matt Moore is an excellent teacher and is easy to get along with. We are fast becoming friends.

I'm still looking for a job. At this point I feel like I've been too picky, but I also don't want to short-change myself. It would be hard for me to accept a job that I would not be happy with and I would not receive decent pay. I freakin' just graduated college. I'm not working for minimum wage!

I watched Peter Pan in Branson. I think it's funny that a grown woman (57 year-old olympic gold-medalist, gymanst Cathy Rigby) plays a little boy. She was doing flips and splits on-stage - I can only hope I'm that vivacious at that age. I never realized before the severity of his mommy issues and his disgust for growing up. I've been feeling lately that I've been clinging to my youth, and watching Peter Pan in his annoying immaturity helped bring into focus in my own life just how much I am glad where I am in life.

I can't help but feel that God is calling me to the ministry. I feel this tug at my heart every time I think about it, not to mention that multiple people have talked to me about how they think I'm meant for it as well. I have a long way to go spiritually - quite a bit of maturing to do, but I know that these last few months have done more for me in that area than probably most of my life combined.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My Thoughts Lately, Vol. 2

Grandpa.

I've unfortunately neglected my grandparents during my tenure at Evangel despite the fact that they are only 7 minutes away from school and are capable of providing me with free food, free laundry, and insurmountable wisdom. My grandpa has struggled with prostate cancer for quite a few years now, but it has never really caused him severe pain until now. A sleeping giant. I was absolutely appalled by the change in my grandpa from when I had seen him at my Sr. recital to no more than a month later at the time of my graduation. My once strong grandfather now needs help eating, brushing his teeth, and going to the bathroom - tasks with which he once assisted me. I have been doing my best to stop by their house for at least a couple of hours a day, but I am afraid that something will happen to him when I am not there. Thankfully, my grandma is finally conceding and letting us bend the rules of Maranatha by letting me stay with her for the next week or so. I guess I am scared that I will not be around when they need me most...but I am even more scared that I am going to be the one who finds that he has passed. I am not sure how I will deal with that.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

My Thoughts Lately, Vol. 1

I've been staying in Springfield for 4 days now, and I already feel trapped, anxious, and uneasy. I literally woke up terrified the other night because I realized I was back in the dorms. It feels like even though I've graduated, I haven't gone anywhere or done anything with my life. I am in a transition right now, and I know that; but I just can't help feeling like things need to start moving. Progressing. I've been feverishly sending out applications to all sorts of places, most of which I have no desire to work at, but I have few options. Until I finish my Sr. recording project and internship this summer or possibly fall, I am at a standstill to pursue my career. I need my recording project to be finished more than anything so I can send in some of my work to recording studios. I am fully confident that it will turn out incredible, it's just a matter of time. I have so many great ideas and plans for it, I am just horrible at getting the ball rolling. I've talked with my musicians, and they are all on board. It's just a matter of time until they get here and we start recording. I can't wait.