Blog, people!

I'd really like people to start blogging. Why?

1. It will motivate me to blog about something meaningful.
2. I will have something to read.
3. It is written, "Thou shalt blog. Often."

I'm tired of titling my posts.

So I've made quite a few important decisions in the past couple of weeks and I have many more ahead.

I recently interviewed for a job working with insurance claims. It is decent money and it would be a good start to a financially secure future. I got a green light from all three managers, but something inside me just felt like it wasn't right. It was so safe and easy...and not what I want to do. I felt this guilt for even interviewing for it. I went to college for 4 years learning about music, performing it, and developing my talents; I couldn't just turn my back on it now. I turned them down.

In the meantime, I've been putting my resume out to churches across the country, looking for a position as a worship leader. Needless to say, this felt right. I've gotten some responses back and I'm actually going to follow up on a position in an area I already know quite well. I will be trying-out there soon, so pray for me.

I rode a horse on Sunday night. BIG mistake. I had him going at a nice little trot for a while...it felt really natural. I thought to myself, "Self, you could be a cowboy. You could live off on a ranch in the middle of nowhere. Just you and your trusted horse." While I was thinking this, Satan's Steed (I don't know his real name, but I figure this surely fits him better than his real name) starts to go buck wild when he sees the corral, galloping off to return home. I'm not a cowboy. I'm not a lover of animals. I am not good with balance. I felt myself starting to go off. The horse was going crazy, so I decided to bail. I jumped off the horse as he was running back to his home. I fell on my side and rolled quite a few times. If you ask me, it looked pretty James Bond-ish...but just ask me. Anyways, my mother insisted that I go to the doctor. I arrived to a nurse that resembled the foreign chick in Dodgeball - the super tall one reminiscent of a man. Anyways, I show her my bruise and she freaks out. If she freaked out, I thought I should too. So the last couple of days I've been limping around with a 3rd butt-cheek, woman-hips on one side, or a grapefruit-sized bruise on my left thigh...whatever you want to call it. Moral of the story: If you can't control it, don't ride it.

Friendship?

I'm trying to decide if it's a good thing when it takes a friend a long time to respond back to me, whether it be via e-mail, phone call, or any other source of media. On one hand, it makes me think that they believe they are a close enough friend that I don't necessarily need them to respond right away...like family. If I don't have the time to talk to me family right away, I give them a call later...and they are fine with that. On the other hand, you also can't help but wonder if maybe they are trying to cut-off the relationship...or maybe they're just busy...or forgetful...or maybe you just really don't mean that much to them. Quite the predicament.

It's funny how when I was young I used to check out girls bodies, but now I just check out their ring finger.

I'm a liar

Why do I always lie to myself? I let myself believe I'm someone I'm not. I let myself believe things will work out, even when I know it's not best for me. I hate when I want something so badly, I lie to myself and try to change who I know I am to fit into the mold of what I want to be. I try to force things to work, to fit. I need to realize that I'm a puzzle-piece. I'm unique. I can't fit everywhere...just in one spot.

Good surprise?

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the huge zits on my legs were actually chigger bites.

Recently

The other day I heard on a Christian radio station one of the most ridiculous songs I have ever heard. Basically it was saying that little girls are princesses and your wife is a queen and women are perfect. Not true. I have a sister and mother. Don't get me wrong, they are wonderful people, but they are not supernatural in any sense. I just think that Christian society has placed this unrealistic expectation upon men to treat the women in their lives like goddesses. Women make mistakes, poor choices, and have their bad days just like men. I want to love an respect my wife, daughter, and mother, but I also don't want to place them on a pedestal. We are all equal. I know this may sound like an anti-feminist rant, but it's not...I just want to hear more songs on The Wind that talk about husbands and sons as kings and princes, that's all.

I may be going back home to Des Moines after my internship. I've been praying for some things to fall in place here in Springfield, but so far they have not come to pass. I'm still praying...but maybe He's got another plan.

I Love America was on the 3rd this year. It's amazing that a church can put on a fireworks show so large that the city decides to forget their fireworks display. They say over 120,000 people were there...so at least that many heard the Gospel message, not including those watching the God TV broadcast. Israel Houghton and NewBreed played as well as Leeland. They were both sick, but Israel's band was insane. Their bassist was rocking a 6 -string bass like nobody's business. Oh, and John Lindell messed up the pledge of allegiance...that's not embarrassing...

Shot off my own fireworks last night. Colton Moos, Taylor Higgins, and Chad Lee need to take a class on fireworks safety...throwing fireworks into a bonfire is not a favorable way to celebrate the 4th. I spent most of the night ducking and covering my head. Nevertheless, it was awesome hanging out with some of the Evangel crowd once again.

-Signing off-

"Name it Claim it" vs. God's Will

There is a job opportunity that I really want. I have been praying fervently that I will receive it. I pray that I know God can give me the job. I also pray that I really want it and I know that He can make it happen. On the flipside, maybe it's not in God's will. It's hard for me to pray for His will, and also try the "name it claim it" approach...especially if what I want is not in His plans. When I have these thoughts I feel like my faith is small. These are obscenely short sentences...an 'Ode to Hemingway, perhaps.

6/29/09

Even though I feel bad for saying this, I am kind of glad to see that other graduates are having as hard a time as me finding a job. Not just any old students, either. Students that were in campus leadership positions, made good grades, and have excellent sommunication skills. Students that are not getting calls back from places that I wouldn't even apply for in high school but I now find myself reluctantly begging for a job. Is that bad? Please forgive me class of '09. If it is any comfort to you, it appears we are in the same boat.

Speaking of forgiveness, today I started reflecting back on how someone had wronged me and all I wanted to do was get them back. Give them the cold shoulder and not give a crap about their feelings...kind of like they did to me. But as I thought of how I could get even, I was reminded that forgiveness is a powerful and difficult action. It is not always easy, and sometimes when we think that we have forgiven others, we actually have not...we still harbor bitterness towards them. I want to truely forgive others. I do not want to just speak the words, I want to act them out.

$$$

I am thoroughly convinced that the only people who have ever said money does not buy happiness were poor...a sad attempt to make their situation seem less unfortunate.